Style Invitational Week 1341: Portmanteautapping E to R Combine two words to make a new one. Plus winning riddles with anagrams. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post) By Pat Myers Pat Myers Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003 Email // Bio // Follow // July 18 (Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning riddles with anagrams in the punchlines) *Parmesand: *What ends up sprinkled all over the meatball sub you get at the beach. /(Bob Staake)/ *Frigidiot:* That shirtless guy at a January football game./(Jimmy LaCaria) / *Estrogeniality: *The attribute that compels women to go to the restroom in pairs. /(Joy Vizi) / Among the innumerable neologism contests put up by the Empress and, before her, the Czar have been those for portmanteau words — words that combine two existing words. Reading back through the Comprehensive Style Invitational Archives, maintained as the ever-growing magnum dopus of Loser Elden Carnahan at NRARS.org, the E discovered that many years ago, she ran a contest for portmanteau words beginning with A through D, and another one for S through Z . . . and then forgot the rest of the alphabet. *This week: Coin a portmanteau word beginning with E through R, in which the words overlap by at least two letters, * ** *and describe it, *as in the examples above; the non-Bob ones are from Week 476 (2002), our first portmanteau contest. As always, you’re welcome to make your entry funnier with a funny sentence showing how the word could be used. Submit entries at *wapo.st/enter-invite-1341 * (all lowercase). Winner gets the *Lose Cannon, * our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives an oval decal like the “26.2” one that marathoners like to put on their cars (or perhaps across one of their ruined knees) — but this one brags *“0.0.” *Donated by Loser Barbara Turner. *Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “Too-Weak Notice” or “Certificate of (de) Merit.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, July 29; *results published Aug. 18 in print, Aug. 15 online. See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline for this week’s results is by Chris Doyle; Jesse Frankovich wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. **The Style *Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses the week’s new contest and results. Check out this week’s at wapo.st/conv1341. And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *MOT-FOOLERY: ANAGRAM RIDDLES FROM WEEK 1337* In *Week 1337 *we asked for jokes in a Q/A format that included an anagram of a relevant word or name in the punchline. Many of you cited President Trump’s reliance on *Vladi­mir Input.* (Can’t figure out an anagram or two? I’ll explain the less obvious ones in this week’s Style Conversational column at wapo.st/conv1341.) 4th place: Brag about your unmarathon — “marathno”? — with this week's second prize. Q. How did the senator explain his cowardly vote to his constituents? A.*“I flee your pain.” * /(Brett Dimaio, Cumberland, Md.) / 3rd place: Q. What condition seems to be epidemic on overcrowded Metro cars? A.*Irritable elbow syndrome. * /(Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.) / 2nd place and the Alexander the Great action figure : Q. What is Bill de Blasio sick of being called by Big Apple haters? A.*Mayor of Yer Icky Town. * /(Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)/ And the winner of the Lose Cannon: Q. With what inscription would the White House like to replace Emma Lazarus's poem*("Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free . . .")* on the Statue of Liberty? A.*Never send me your rapist, free-rider, s-hole, drug army. Out! Goodbye! I hate you.* /(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) / Next of ink: Honorable mentions Q. Which campaign slogan did the former veep definitely not plagiarize? A. *“I need job.” * /(Frank Mann, Washington)/ Q. Under pressure from the left, who changed his position about his support for the Hyde Amendment? A. *Joe I-Bend.* /(Mark Raffman)/ Q. In what movie does Marty McFly time-travel to stop Brexit? A: *“Back to the EU Turf.”* /(Jon Gearhart, Des Moines) / Q. What’s the new novel about the Hogwarts test-cheating scandal? A. *“Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Notes.”* /(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)/ Q. What appropriately shaped D.C. structure commemorates the city’s longest-ever orgy? A. *The Swingathon Monument. * /(Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)/ Q. What was constructed to commemorate D.C.’s blizzards of 2009-2010? A. *The Snowhating Monument. * /(Ken Liss, Brookline, Mass., a First Offender) / Q. Who said he had no idea what happened to the cherry tree? A: *George Sawnothing.* /(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)/ Q. How does the North Korean dictator refer to the American president and first lady? A.*Dotard ’n’ Plum. * /(Mark Raffman)/ Q. I hear that our president is going to open a hotel in Haiti that’s the opposite of his one in D.C. What’s he going to call it? A. *Trump Latrine Nation .* /(Chris Damm, Charles Town, W.Va.)/ Q. When it turns out to be too boring to call it “March Madness,” what would be a better name for a humdrum NCAA tournament? A. *Bleak Blast.* /(Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.) / Q. Which longtime jurist was just banned from an Alabama mall? A. *Judge Roy Romeo.* /(Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)/ Q. Who hid state secrets inside a beer bottle in his backyard? A. *Lager Hiss.* /(Harold Mantle, Walnut Creek, Calif.) / Q. After Bob got his hand stuck in the garbage disposal, what was left? A.*An arm and a gel.* /(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) / Q. If the fossil fuel industry had its druthers, in what building would Congress convene? A. *The U.S. Coalpit. * /(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.) / Q. What company has introduced a line of see-through athletic wear? A. *Nuder Armour. * /(Chris Doyle) / Q. What wine famously burst into flames in the 1970s? A. *Pinto noir.* /(Kevin Dopart, Washington) / Q. In what dystopian movie does a government agency ban all research into climate change? A. *“Planet of the EPAs.” * /(Mark Raffman)/ Q. What road trip movie features a pair of fugitives debating whether to flee or not to flee? A. *Hamlet and Louise. * /(Eric Nelkin) / Q. What’s the name of that new micro-pickup truck? A. *The Sliverado.// * /(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) / Q. Which military sitcom suffered from constant overacting? A. *“H*A*M*S.”* /(John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.) / Q. How did the proctologist make his patients promise to use their hemorrhoid ointment? A. *The Pledge of Anal Ice Gel. * /(Nicole Caruso Garcia, Trumbull Conn., a First Offender) / Q. What did Jeff Sessions do when he resigned from the Trump administration? A. *He rescued himself. *(Jesse /Frankovich) / Q. What did Sheriff Woody say when Mr. Potato Head joined a coup to oust him? A.*Et tu, tuber?* /(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) / Q, The candidate wants to attract more young voters by changing his name? To what? A. *Bernie Radness. * /(Matt Tietze, Rockville, Md., a First Offender) / Q. What iconic Wyoming locale does the administration want to open up for oil drilling? A. *Ye-Ton-o’-Wells* *National Park * /(Mark Raffman) / Q. What did the printer ask the customer placing an order? A. *“You want serif with that?” *(/Jesse Frankovich)/ Q. What did the Romans call the Dacian revolt against their empire in the year 157? A. *The CLVII War.// * /(Jeff Contompasis) / Q. What directions are at the top of every Russian presidential ballot? A. *Put in Vladi­mir.* /(Christopher Thorpe, Millbrae, Calif.) / Q. It’s this summer’s biggest hit, but what do some people call Lil Nas X’s song? A. *Download rot. * /(Bill Dorner, Indianapolis) / Q. Which famed large-“nosed” drummer went on to appear in porn films? A. *Groin Starr.* /(Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.) / Q. Who sang “If I Had a Hummer” and “Blowin’ Up in the Wind”? A. *Peter, Paul and Army. * /(Chris Doyle) / Q. Who started an online forum to rate U.S. Marine bases? A. *Gomer Yelp.* /(Chris Doyle) / Q. Who was that rotten committee who denied Samuel L. Jackson an Oscar nomination? A. *Snakes on a panel!* /(Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.) / Q. Who was the hero of the Tales of the Swedish Nights? A. *Ali ABBA. * /(Ray Gallucci, Frederick, Md.) / Q. What is the trade union for male porn workers? A. *The Screen Scrota Guild.* /(Kevin Dopart) / Q. In a poll of Style Invitational contestants, who tied for favorite fantasy president? A.*Teddy and Franklin D. Loservote.* /(Chris Doyle) / Q, Who’s that funny anagram dude in the Style Invitational? A. *Jon Great-har!* /(Jon Gearhart)/ /*And Last: * /Q. In what (assuredly fictional) contest do witty raconteurs find that they are irresistible to the opposite sex? A. *The Style I-Attain-Lovin’* /(Mark Raffman)/ *Still running: TWO contests due Monday night, July 22: Week 1339: Song parodies on the themes of Modern Woes (see wapo.st/invite1339 )* *Week 1340: Change a famous name slightly and describe the new person (wapo.st/invite1340 )* *DON’T MISS AN INVITE! * Sign up here to receive a once-a-week email from the Empress as soon as The Style Invitational and Style Conversational go online every Thursday, complete with links to the columns.